when philando castile was murdered by police in 2017, i was outraged; not just because he followed all the rules and obeyed and was STILL murdered; not just because he had an open carry permit and yet the NRA was completely silent about his murder; but because his murderer got off scot-free. the cop "feared for his life".....feared a man with a woman in the passenger seat, a toddler in the back, and a car full of groceries. feared a man who spoke politely and reasonably, answered every question, and obeyed every instruction. and the judicial system decided his fear was justified. i was angry, so angry; i even wrote a poem about it, wanted to set it to music, wanted everyone in the world to know his name. and then as time passed, i fell back asleep. i became so wound up with my everyday concerns, i stopped paying attention to the world around me. and then george floyd was murdered. and i woke up. again.
i felt real shame, and even a sense of responsibility for george's death--maybe if our society had taken philando castile's death seriously, george might never have died this way. so i decided i would NOT fall asleep again. i am going to be in this fight to the end.
so in june of 2020, i went to my very first BLM protest. i looked around and saw my own frustration and anger mirrored on all these other faces. the organizers asked us all to lay on the cement for eight minutes and forty-five seconds, and as i did so, i found myself crying; thinking of george lying there, begging for his life, and crying for his mama, while derek chauvin squeezed the life out of him for everyone to see. i am crying now, remembering it. and i remember thinking, we cannot let this continue.
the next weekend i went to another protest. and the next. and then came a week when there were no protests scheduled.....but i wasn't satisfied to take a weekend off. i did not want a weekend off--this was too important. and i did not want to fall asleep again. and then i remember greta thunberg.
greta was one of my people--on the autism spectrum. i understood her--i understood her tenacity, her will to affect change; i shared it. so i followed her example and started my own private protest. i have hip disease and two artificial hips, so standing and walking for long periods of time is difficult for me. but you don't have to stand to hold a sign; i had taken a camp chair to the other protests. i decided i would protest from a chair. i took my chair, and my BLM signs, and i went to the busiest corner on the busiest street in my hometown; it was the site of one of the other protests i had attended. i had noticed at that time that on this particular corner, a very large sign from a neighboring hotel put a pool of shade right there on the sidewalk--the shade moved, of course, but if i moved with the shade, i could be comfortable regardless of the heat. and so i began.
from june of 2020 right up to today, i protest twice a week on the corner of columbia center boulevard and quinault avenue. i usually go fridays and sundays--if something comes up, or the weather is bad, i defer to the next day, but those are my usual days. i sit there between four-thirty and six; rush hour, when there are the greatest number of cars on the streets. and let me tell you, it has been an education.
the whole point of doing this, besides staying woke, is because of my childhood. i grew up in a deeply conservative area, and i remember as a kid feeling completely alone in my liberal beliefs. i want all those other kids in this deeply conservative area to SEE ME, and know that they aren't alone.
the portland BLM protests were getting a lot of attention by july, and i found myself admiring the moms who joined in and took the front lines. i could do that--i figured it would be a lot harder for some young cop to attack an old white lady who looked like his grandma than it would be for the young folx around me. right around then i found foamboards (what i use for my signs) that had a gridwork on them, and i had an idea; i decided on my persona--grandma. i would work the grandma angle. using one of the gridwork foamboards, i created a faux cross-stitch sign, complete with flowers.....reading, "GRANDMA SAYS BLACK LIVES MATTER". i even eventually found a camp chair that is a rocker!
all of my BLM signs have at least one side that is a faux cross-stitch, telling viewers what grandma says.
as i wrote above, it has been an education; i'd like to share a few things that i have learned.
number one--there are a lot more of US than there are of THEM. i watch the faces of the people who drive by. the majority, of course, don't notice me--they are in their own worlds. but of the ones who do, the ones who show support outnumber the haters by a factor of at least three, if not greater. the trumpians fool us into believing there are more of them because they are so much louder, in every sense of the word, with their giant trucks and their public meltdowns....but the smiles, the waves, the thumbs up, the BLM fist, the shouts of encouragement and love....they far outnumber the haters. it's what gives me hope, and why i continue.
two--it's scary at first, being alone and feeling vulnerable. you have to get over it. you have to be brave. you have to smile in the face of ugly people, screaming obscenities and threats. you can't let their hate inform your actions.
three--the one word trumpians fear more than any other-- LOSER. right after the election, i made a small sign, just for the haters; it's styled like the signs wyle e. coyote used to hold up, and i keep it to my right. it says, "sore loser!" and when the haters roll by, shouting ugliness, i just point that sign at them...and they wither like a wicked witch in a rain shower. seriously. it's a beautiful thing to see.
four--it's a lot more challenging to protest in the winter. you really have to prepare; by december, i was wearing my snowmobiling gear (ski-bibs, parka, snowboots) and had found myself a heated stadium seat to take with me, to keep my damnable artificial hips warm. also, when you are holding signs over your head, the best gloves in the world won't keep your hands warm; all the blood runs out of them in that position. your best bet in winter protests are heavy mittens with hand-warmers inside.
five--RYOBI MAKES A SPEAKER! i like to listen to music while i protest; i even chair-dance to the music. i know i look silly, but that's part of the point; i want to be the face of antifa. so many right-wingers fear the boogieman antifa they've created in their minds; i am the antithesis of a boogieman. they need to know that antifa is NOT just anarchists in ninja costumes--it's fat old white women, too, chair dancing. anyway, i was listening to my music at first through earbuds, but that interfered with any interactions with others. then one day in home depot i saw they made a blue-tooth speaker! i don't have to remember to charge it--i just grab a battery and go! it even has a usb port so i can charge my phone while i use it! i am SO taking it to the beach this summer.....
i am aware that some folx might view my protests as performative...but aren't all protests performative? i have a specific target audience i am trying to reach--the young ones. and if i can help ONE kid choose a different path from their parents, then my time and effort is worth it.
we changed the laws, but we have learned that until we change the hearts and minds of people, it doesn't matter what the laws say. so here i am, out to change hearts and minds. wish me luck!
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